you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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