I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
