I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
