So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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