I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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