i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize