Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize