there's paper in my vomit.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
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It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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