Your dad touched me again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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