TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
