I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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