this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
