he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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