did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize