here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I party with great urgency now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize