i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i believe in u and ur pee
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
