Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
