Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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