She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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