I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
