I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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