So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.