You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw