I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.