Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.