the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize