worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look