Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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