OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize