you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
