There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How's work?
Spinning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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