porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize