Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
