I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
