Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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