i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
