btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
