my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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