we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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