Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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