I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
