break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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