Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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