I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
