Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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