I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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