Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
