girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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