I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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