My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good