i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.