It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.