I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize