hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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