And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize