In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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