What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he thought i was a dude.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
